(Spoilers contained within. Ye be warned.)

Name’s Electro. The “DERP” is silent.

Thanks to Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone, the Amazing Spider-Man 2 doesn’t entirely suck. It only kind of sucks. It really sucks whenever Electro (Jamie Foxx) is onscreen, and composer Hans Zimmer, who apparently had one shroom too many while writing the score, insists on generic dubstep with a repetitious chant (“You used me! You lied to me! You are dead to me! Spider-Man is my enemy!”) evidently meant to echo the voices in Electro’s head. Unfortunately, the voices in Electro’s head are morons, and so is the character.

Before he becomes Electro, Foxx plays the under-appreciated Oscorp worker-bee Max Dillon with a nerdy passive-aggressiveness far too reminiscent of Jim Carrey’s Edward Nigma in Batman Forever. In a scene ripped from another Batman movie, Max is wandering down the very same street that Spidey happens to be battling an angry Paul Giamatti (I’ll get to him later), carrying a bundle of blueprints, which he of course clumsily drops, because that’s what Selina Kyle did in Batman Returns. Spidey saves Max’s life, because that’s what Batman did in Batman Returns. In a new development that the screenwriters came up with all on their own, Spidey notices Max’s name on his name tag, and addresses him by name while basically mocking him and his silly comb-over. Max is immediately smitten, overjoyed that Spidey has acknowledged him, and too stupid to realize he’s being mocked by a superpowered hipster in spandex. Continue reading →

Black Sails immediately captures the brutality and theatricality of pirates with an opening that is as fearsome as it is breathless. The action is smartly portrayed from the perspective of the victims, as their ship is mercilessly set upon by vicious pirates. This exciting opening sparks a plot that is intended to lead directly into Treasure Island.

Black Sails is a stunning, lavishly detailed production, blurring the lines between big budget film and television. Bear McCreary provides a stirring score that isn’t overly piratey. The acting is surprisingly solid from a cast that is generally a little too good-looking. I’m not yet sold on this interpretation of John Silver (Luke Arnold). His charming rogue-ishness seems a little forced, and is one of the few genre cliches to be found. Of course, this is a younger Silver, before the loss of his leg. Captain Flint (Toby Stephens), on the other hand, is a very interesting character, and has some fun interplay with his quartermaster.

The dialogue (particularly Hannah New as the hard-as-nails Eleanor) seems to be trying a little too hard to be Deadwood at times. Poetic vulgarity is difficult to pull off, though Black Sails gets props for trying. There’s room for improvement here, but even the finest shows have spent much of the first season finding a specific voice and tone. This one starts out more confident than most, but it still needs a little work. A bit more humor wouldn’t hurt.

As a rabid fanboy of historical pirates, I appreciated much of the detailed authenticity of the setting. Real historical pirates make an appearance, including “Calico Jack” Rackham (Toby Schmitz) and Charles Vane (Zack McGowan). They’re only shown briefly in the pilot, but I’m looking forward to more. The only historical element I was put off by was the portrayal of Anne Bonny (Clara Paget). By all accounts, Bonny was attractive, brash, and Irish. Black Sails gives us a fetching (even though they try to hide it) but mousy tomboy with what sounded like a British accent. This characterization would be far better suited to Anne’s partner in crime, Mary Read. Still, we get a brief glimpse of a potentially fun and formidable female character.

The show appears to use CG for the longshots of ships at sea, which took a little getting used to. I’m sure there’s no other way, given that filming actual ships at sea is probably way too expensive for a TV show. The establishing shot of Nassau, however, is utterly breathtaking. Everything on deck is very convincing and appropriately grimy.

I like that, apart from Silver, it’s not treated as a self-referential pirate story thus far. It’s all very gritty and realistic. There’s a brutal sword fight at the end of the episode that Neil Marshall (The Descent, Centurion, and an episode of Game of Thrones) directs with his usual bloody fanfare.

There’s a lot to like here, but these characters will need to evolve in subsequent episodes to keep up the momentum. It’s certainly a better start than Spartacus had, and that show turned out great. Time will tell, but this is a promising first episode in what looks to be an exciting show, and I can recommend it on the production values alone.

Black Sails premieres on Starz on Saturday, January 25th.

A kinder Blackbeard… at first

When I wrote the chapter in “The Devil’s Fire” which describes a pirate ship broadsiding a Spanish galleon in a tumultuous Caribbean sea at the height of the Golden Age of Piracy, I never expected I’d be able to experience such a thing. The latest Assassin’s Creed game has allowed me to do that, and a whole lot more.

Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag gives the player free reign of the Caribbean, starting in 1715, when history’s most infamous pirates made their names. The seamless transition between sea and land is exhilarating. As you explore the Caribbean, you’re free to furl your ship’s sails and leap into the crystal blue waters and explore any island you happen across. The gameplay yields to the wants of the player, rather than the other way around. You can attack ships, hunt whales and sharks, explore mysterious coves and Mayan ruins, or wander an island town and engage in a tavern brawl.

Black Flag stars Edward Kenway, a Welshman who has temporarily (he hopes) left his wife in order to pursue fortune in the Caribbean. He naively tells her he will be gone a year, two at the most. But Kenway’s plans change when he stumbles upon a Templar conspiracy.

Those who are unfamiliar with previous Assassin’s Creed games, which have constructed quite a complicated mythology, need not worry. Black Flag continues the story but doesn’t require players to have a deep knowledge of prior games. While the same Templar conspiracy that propelled Assassin’s Creed 1, 2, and 3 also runs through Black Flag, the story is fairly easy to get a handle on. It may carry the title of a popular franchise, but this is a pirate game through and through.

Edward Kenway’s story weaves conveniently in and out of history. He meets up with Edward “Blackbeard” Thatch (not Teach, in this telling), Benjamin Hornigold, Charles Vane, “Calico Jack” Rackham, and Anne Bonny, just to name a few. Kenway acts as a behind-the-scenes instigator, sparking key events in history but wisely remaining under the radar. When Woodes Rogers claims Nassau and turns out all pirates, Kenway helps Captain Vane set a ship on fire in the harbor as an act of defiance. The incident is just one of many that actually occurred. Hornigold’s surrender to Governor Rogers, which earned him the bile of his former compatriots, was particularly fun for me to watch, given Hornigold’s part in The Devil’s Fire series.

Anne Bonny plays a large role

Edward Thatch’s transition into Blackbeard is natural and surprisingly poignant. This is a slightly different interpretation of the man who would become the feared Devil of the Caribbean. He is not an overly cruel man who kills beyond necessity, but he plays up a frightful visage when it becomes clear that it will take him that much further.

Black Flag does not brush over the details, including the large role that women played in piracy. Kenway has run-ins with Mary Read and Anne Bonny. Bonny is a fiery Irish lass who takes what she wants when she wants it.

The graphics are stunning. The gorgeous Caribbean sea stretches for leagues, with beautiful, realistic water effects. Islands are green and lush, and the sandy beaches are white and inviting. The weather is unpredictable, and before you know it you might find your ship caught up in a violent storm, struggling to avoid dangerous funnels that stretch from the clouds to the sea. Rogue waves can be just as devastating as a frigate’s broadside.

There are three major cities: Nassau, Kingston, and Havana. Liberties have been taken with the geography, but that is probably a necessary evil when making a game that is both fun to play and easy to navigate. In concurrence with history, Nassau changes drastically over the course of the game, beginning as nothing more than rundown shanties and evolving into a bustling town.

A varied cast of talented voice actors bring every character to life. I particularly enjoyed Blackbeard and Bonny’s voice actors. The sound design is excellent, from the crashing of waves against your ship’s hull to the strange animal ambiance that accompanies nightfall in an island town or jungle setting. Brian Tyler’s (Watchmen) score is very cinematic, with a catchy main theme that I found myself humming when I wasn’t playing.

While I’ve progressed through most of the story missions, I’m nowhere near done with it. I’ve got plenty more whales to kill, ships to broadside, forts to terrorize, shipwrecks to investigate, and islands to explore. Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag is a must for anyone even remotely interested in pirates.